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Today I Am…. Free (well nearly)

It’s been an exciting week for me 👍. The divorce which seems to have moved at the pace of a snail for months is now picking up momentum. I’m nearly in the home straight.

On Thursday, N had to provide his assets and liabilities figures which was interesting for me to sneak a peak at- especially because his finances are something (even when we were married) that I wasn’t privy to. Usually because it caused arguments 🙄

The financial arrangements have been signed, sealed and delivered to a Judge, for them to decide if what we have agreed upon is fair for both parties. It’s a shame that they don’t look at the unfairness of everything else that happened in the marriage and decide what should be done with the money!

Thursday was a huge step in relation to me getting over the end of my marriage. I looked at N and I didn’t feel the usual things, I didn’t feel sad that we weren’t together anymore. I felt glad 😃, glad that I didn’t have to settle or choose to be with someone who only cares about them self. I know that I am absolutely killing it being single. The previous comment ⬅️ made me laugh out loud to myself – I am killing it being single because I don’t have any other choice 🤣 it’s not as if I have a line of people waiting outside my door. Joking aside, I’m now starting to enjoy the journey of divorce. I’ve been through some terrible lows and I think/hope they have made me a better person. I don’t feel ashamed anymore that I’m divorced with 2 kids, that’s no ones business but mine. I feel smug that I’ve done all of the shit stuff and I’m still ok. It’s rattled me but it hasn’t destroyed me. I think I’m starting to get back to the old but new me, who is strong and resilient.

I have raised my standards as to what a relationship should look like for me in the future though and it will take a very special person for me to give up my singledom. This week I’ve been on the dating websites with a totally new outlook. I’m not looking for my next husband or even someone to live with. I want to find someone to do cool new things with and explore new places. Male companionship, part of me thinks that it doesn’t have to be a man to do these things with. I don’t think I will be flying the flag 🏳️‍🌈 in the future….. I mean a friend or another single mum who regularly wants to go out and do cool things and go expensive places where you cant normally take snotty two year olds or TikTok-ing 11 year olds. Maybe I need more friends? Maybe it’s because of lockdown version 2 and everyone is just missing that face to face contact with other people.

The highlight of my week dating wise has to be the chap on the dating website who used to be an adult performer! I didn’t know this when we started chatting but I was quite intrigued as to how people get into that profession. I had lots of questions and it passed the time on an evening once the kids went to bed. The answer and the only reason that men get into being adult performers is because they have giant 🍆’s and I know this because he sent me multiple pictures of it. I’m calling it “it” because it deserves its own pronoun. And that’s where the conversation ended, I received the pictures and ran for the hills 😆.

Fingers crossed for another week of feeling happy, embracing my singleness and hilarious dating disasters.

Speak soon



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