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Today I Am…. Fine

It’s been a busy week in my household. Half term, a trip to the big smoke with my eldest and a relatively drama free week from N. I say relatively because there is always something brewing or about to happen, I’ve now just conditioned myself into being hyper alert about it, all of the time. Therefore the drama cannot take me off guard and throw all of my hard work, up until now, out of the window.

This week I have felt fine, no crying over my lost marriage or that prick. Fine is the word to best describe it. I think I’m moving forward again slowly. Which is exciting. I’m doing the things which make me happy and ignoring the majority of things which make me angry or sad. Surprisingly there is only one thing that makes me angry/sad and his name starts with an N!

Since my last blog post on Sunday N has been texting me hankering after an invite to my house. Any guesses why??? I will leave to your imagination but I think it might start with πŸ† and ends with πŸ’¦ πŸ™„

Sunday -Can he borrow the Xbox from E? He’s bored now that he can’t live with A (due to the whole messing her around and cheating on her) and he is now back at his parents. I said to discuss things with E about it.

Monday- Is there any post for him to collect? No post

Tuesday- He has an old laptop that has some pictures on of our family holidays before J was born. Did I want a copy of them before he destroys the laptop? Yes I most certainly do want the pictures can you email them to me please? Five minutes later he is in my living room with an ancient laptop saying I can do it. What the actual fuck? Why not just email the pictures? I think I know what this is about, after all I did live with the man for 7 years. I also take the opportunity to talk to him about finalising the financial order for the divorce. I’ve only been waiting for him to make a phone call for approx. 6 weeks. Which has meant very expensive letters being sent from my solicitor to hurry him along and a massive dent in my bank account. Why want a divorce and then not pay for any of it or actually do anything to get it completed as soon as possible?

Wednesday – I did have to contact N on Wednesday about J (our 2 year old) staying with him whilst I took my eldest to London for some girlie time. J goes to nursery Thursday and Fridays so N would only have to collect J put him to bed on Thursday. Take him to nursery and then pick him up again and put him to bed on Friday. Me and E were going to be back by Saturday lunchtime. N asks if he still has to have the kids on Sunday as usual. Yes please. N kicks off about parenting being give and take and that he should get Sunday off. A day off parenting and responsibilities – I didn’t know those were on the table when I gave birth – I’ve been doing parenting all wrong according to Ns conception of parenting. Are you absolutely pulling my leg, where was the give and take for the past 12 weeks of Dad only doing Sundays 9-5? The only reason why we had to make this Sunday arrangement is because N had taken himself off to live with a woman miles away and it was too soon for the kids to stay over there. We all know how that worked out for him 🀷. It sounds more like take take take take take take take…….

Wednesday afternoon N is stood on my doorstep again wanting πŸ‘‰πŸ‘Œ I have no clue what goes through his mind. On Sunday he was so in love with someone else that on Wednesday he wants to try and sleep with me. He’s COMPLETELY lost it. And the best part. He begs me to not contact A (his ex/getting back together girlfriend) with all of the flirty messages he has sent me (purely one way I must add) or to tell her how many times he has turned up at my house for sex within the past week. I’m so over all of this drama. So over men full stop. I’m doing the right things; work; kids, friends and blog.

In other news London was fantastic, plenty of sightseeing, shopping and eating. So much eating I’ve gained 5lbs in 3 days! How is that even possible? My bank account is now officially into the minus numbers too. Note to parents: do not take 11 year old shopping to Oxford Circus you will officially be poor and dead on your feet after a few hours. We now have to eat beans on toast (not Heinz we can’t afford that luxury anymore, supermarket own brand 🀣 from now on) until payday.

From tomorrow new mantra

Work, Kids, Friends (no wine during video calls), Blog, Save Money, Eat Healthy. Do not let N in the house. Repeat

Wish me luck



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