Today I have that feeling of being a bit smug. You know where you think actually I am doing ok, maybe even a good job 🙂 I haven’t felt that for a long long time. Usually I just feel bogged down.
I’m really lucky to have a brilliant family who would do anything for me and supportive (soon to be) ex in-laws who are also now my extended family. My friends come in all shapes, sizes, ages and levels of sanity.
I’ve never really had to depend upon my friends in the past, I’ve always being the one who had their head screwed on right and never had to ask or unload anything. Everyone normally presumes that I am doing ok. I might be slightly responsible for them feeling like that because I’ve always had a strong and independent personality which I didn’t want to steer away from. Or let anyone see the real me, I used to ask myself “What if they don’t like the real me?” and because of this I’ve always had a bit of a front or barrier (some people might call it resting bitch face 😂). I feel my friends now know the amount of unreasonable things which go through my head each day and far too much about how I am feeling (which is partly why I need to write it in a blog). And its such a weight lifted. I am so grateful that they are there for me; even if that is just to tag me in hilarious memes on social media for the rest of time, or to help me financially if I needed it, mentor me in my career or just to sit on the other end of a video call whilst I ugly cry into my wine.
My work has suffered throughout the past few weeks and that is also something very new to me. Normally I am able to separate personal from work life and I have to admit I’ve had to take a few mental health absence days. I work with some of the most talented people I know and I would class them as some of my closest friends. They see me day in day out. We belly laugh until we cry, we do some incredible projects which promote change within the industry we work within, we watch (and score out of ten) weddings from our office window, we have a dedicated bell to ring if someone needs a hug and we also get frustrated and cry when things get too much.
These are all the people I want to spend every day with.
Plus my children have been angels today – that could partly because of them being at school and nursery though 🤷♀️.
So I’m going to relish being smug and lucky today – whilst I eat my nieces birthday cake out of a takeaway container (because we couldn’t see her due to local Coronavirus restrictions).